Where'd you get that Fear?

About five years ago I realized more and more I was starting to be afraid of things. Not anything I could exactly put my finger on, but just feeling fearful. And as time went on it began to grow. It would be as simple as being anxious about going somewhere , an event, or making excuses why I couldnt attend a function. This was not me. I was the kid who jumped off a two story house for a ball cap I wanted. Who rode wild horses all through school. I would invite my friends down to see how long they could ride on to my horse , then get on bareback and show em' how it was done. I would get up before large groups of folks I barely knew in my twenties and give Orientations on different subjects throughout the year. I even worked for an organization that dealt with twenty two countries. I didnt even know fear was in my vocabulary. It seemed to creep in little by little. The more things I missed out on, the more things in life I sat out on, the more I realized I was in the audience of the thing called life and the greater my fear grew. Life gets busy, kids grow up, and before long things that were once infrequent all the sudden become the norm. It got so bad I began to not know this reflection I would see when I looked in the mirror, this was not the girl I once knew. I began to slowly see that fear had it's grip on me so fierce that it was holding me back from all I was created to be. When I would try to outsmart it, practice postitive thinking or even messages of courage, none of it seemed to help. It seemed I had even gotten confortable with this thing called fear, even though I wanted it no more, I couldnt shake it . I kept telling myself it wasn't that bad but I felt like a hamster on a wheel. Spinning out of control but getting nowhere. I truly wanted to live again, but I was afraid of letting go of fear itself. It had become as comfortable to me as my throw blanket I dont go anywhere without. Although it was comfortable, it was also paralyzing. I started to think of my fear as a muscle, the more I exercised it, fed it, petted it, it would grow. I had planned on going back to college. I had taken many trips and great lengths to return last January. But when the time came, I acted like the date had never even been set. Just didn't even acknowledge it. Then when school did start, all over the internet were people talking about it. One of those people were supposed to have been me, but I chose to let fear over run everything I touched. I knew the opposite of fear is faith, so I began to exercise that muscle, every chance I could. There is always opportunites for faith, every day if we just look. When those feelings of fear would come up, I would ask myself why. Sometimes there wasn't a logical reason. Then I would proceed to replace that with faith. Not questioning it , debating it, just doing it. Sometimes I felt like I was just going thru the motions, but I was doing it. I am an Encourager by nature and it was time I show some of that love to myself as well. Faith that a Creator that set the stars in the sky cared about me. Giving me the tools to start a healing in me that was long overdue. He had shown me several times in just the last ten years how He had healed my body, now it was time to heal my soul. This cloak of fear had protected me from the world, but it also kept me from reaching my dreams. I have learned that Healing isn't a one time deal, that most of the time some of the same issues come up more than once. Its a process, sometimes a life long one. And that is okay too. But by increasing my faith, my fears have taken a back seat. Once in awhile that same feeling creeps up again. I no longer embrace it as a well loved friend, I put in where it belongs. Some fear is necessary to keeping us safe . Im okay with that. But I will never let it have center stage in my life, holding me back. He created me for Greatness. He didn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.