Healing in His time

This wk I met someone who was raped, as I looked into her eyes & told her it was not her fault, that she did not deserve this , tears streamed down her face I told her how I know this information, is because it also happened to me I too have walked in her shoes I was fresh out of nursing school workin in a new town at a new job and my car broke down The guy who worked there said it was his twenty first bday would I like to go out on a date, I said no , & he began to tell me how lucky I could be, I still was not interested I already already ckd my car in with the other guy who was on staff so I figured that was the end of it, three days later I went back & picked up my car Two wks later as I am sleeping I hear a crashing in the window in my bedroom as someome is coming thru it breaking the glass Its him! The same guy I met at the gas station who had asked me out! I was so frightened but what could I do? I stood up as he's mumbling all this time uncoherently about me turning him down about how no one turns him down, and then he starts hitting me, I fight back as best as I can but he is so very strong! Several things are knocked off the wall in the struggle He then ties me up to the bed & proceeds to rape me & it seems like its been hours , then he is face down in my bed & snoring, I am petrified and I start to gnaw at the ties that are on my hands, after a very long time I get loose,I grab a tshirt off the floor & I start tipoeing as quietly as I can out of the bedroom, even the doorknob turning seems like a bomb going off! I dont know what to do , if I start my car he may hear me, I go out the front door & there is this really old pickup, prob over twenty yrs old, running in my driveway with its lights on Is it his? I dont know, but I get in it & get on the freeway which is a block away & drive to the police department which is rt next to the hospital I work at, I walk up the steps to it which seem like eternity, I walk up to the window as the lady asks me what i want she says "Your face is bleeding" I said " I have just been attacked" and that is the last I remember as I pass out Later I wake up in the hospital ER & theres a nurse & an officer there I tell them my story the best I can & they treat all my wounds & send me home the next day with lots of paperwork I go back to work after a mo & then realize I jus cant stay in this town so I move This starts my next five yrs on a road to self destruction I made bad choices , partied a lot , even married a childhood sweetheart who I was married to for eighteen years, never really looking back on that day , the only time I do remember even slightly thinking about it was four yrs later when I get a letter from the courts saying he has been given two years probation I thought not much of it a being let down in my life was nothing new I realize now twenty four years later, that the wound was never healed , it was never even processed I never grieved for the girl who was so depserately violated The pain was so great, so deep , so much shame for something I did nothing to deserve But as I look into this girls eyes, I know how she feels, I know that she too will walk a road of healing , I hope, and it will somehow it some way affect he greatly in her adult life How I have no idea But the one thing I wanted more than anything was for her to know, she did nothing to deserve it
A lil later somewhere else I said my story, lil bits of it, aloud for the first time in twenty four years I relaized as I said it outloud that I was giving my pain a voice & where there is a voice there is also mercy & grace Where I open up to share with others who have had some of my same experiences I also offer hope for someone else I also know a Saviour who desperately wants to heal my brokeness He wants to take my sadness & turn it into pure joy! He loves me just as I am , just where I am & is willing to wait on me as long as it takes to heal this wound that has been buried I thought also over the yrs how many other ppl have crossed paths with who have had the same sections of their hearts walled off because of the same instance For that I will never know But for me I will put down my shame & my fears and say to everyone I come across, as I look them right in the eyes as I hold their hands, Listen to me, you did not deserve this & this is how I know why